Facebook Status AWESOMEizer

More money is spent on boob jobs and viagra than on alzheimer's research! By 2040 the elderly will have perky tits, stiff cocks and no f***ing idea why!


My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.


Two people in every one is a schizophrenic.


‎".: ::. .. :.: :. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . .: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.::. ..:: :..: .:. :...:" - Stevie Wonder


I smashed my car into a bus stop full of people last night. I got away with a broken arm. Don't know whose but it's mine now!


I find those "No shirt, no shoes, no service" signs very misleading because they never say anything about having to wear pants. Apparently, I was wrong... now gotta go to court on Thursday...


I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore.
It's definitely time for a new keyboard. :)


NASCAR in Kentucky, I have not seen this many rednecks fired up about something since RedMan started using resealable pouches.


When I see someone driving the same car I’m driving, I always peer in to make sure it’s not me from another dimension.


Please copy and paste this as your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone that may know someone who knows anyone. If you don’t know anyone, or even if you’ve heard of anyone who doesn’t know anyone that doesn’t know someone, then still copy this. It’s important to spread the message. Oh, and the hearts. ♥ ♥ ♥ For crap’s sake, don’t forget the hearts. ♥ ♥ ♥


PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn't know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won't copy & paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will repost this


Got a Rolex for my birthday from a couple of lesbians I know. Guess they misunderstood me when I told them "I wanna watch".


I seen someone's status on Facebook, they said they were suicidal and on the edge..So I poked them...


People say that you should say no to drugs, but I'm thinking that if you're talking to drugs, it's too late!