Drinking Statuses

is "not drunk, hes just exhausted from being up all night drinking"
Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people "the cops." But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!
says I don't get drunk .. I get AWESOME!!
mixed whiskey with water and got drunk... mixed brandy with water and got drunk... I mixed scotch with water and got drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...
says God takes care of drunks and babies...do you know how lucky that is for drunk babies?
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You're drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk."

My hand sanitizer smells like vodka. This gives me an idea! ........OK, that wasn't a very good idea

thinks that time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol

Has realized that alcohol is very much like Pringles

I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink every night

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

Never cry over spilt milk.  It could've been whiskey.

“I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment ... and a stomach virus ... and an inner ear infection.

There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.

has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.

Beer is proof God loves us, and wants us to be happy

No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk… I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?

Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.

Every great idea begins with....."dude..hold my beer and watch this!" 

“To alcohol... The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.”

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. 

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. 

I never trust a man that doesn't drink. 

thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.

thinks “Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks I’ve consumed.

beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I’ve stopped drinking, but only while I’m asleep.

my favorite alcoholic beverage is the one that has the alcohol in it.

gave up drinking and smoking... Worst ten minutes of my life.

thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.

says If drinking is interfering with your work, you’re probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you’re probably an alcoholic.

I would quit drinking, but my father didn't raiser a quiter.