Holiday Statuses


  • The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
  • I am buying my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
  • Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
  • Dear Santa, I was framed.
  • Would you like some Christmas spirit? Now where did I put that vodka…
  • can’t wait to watch her favourite Christmas movie, “The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t Due To Santa’s Urinary Tract Infection”
  • Where is that fat bastard?


  • So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right?
  • Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs
  • Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
  • I watch so much of the Investigation Discovery channel, I can kill you and make it look like the Easter Bunny did it.
  • thinks the only reason the Easter bunny hides his eggs is cause he doesn't want anyone to know he screwed a chicken.
  • If you happen to see a bunny laying brown eggs, do not eat them. ITS NOT CHOCOLATE!!!! HAPPY EASTER!!!!
  • Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween, stood next to the Easter Bunny, and handed out eggs......