Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Status Updates 6/1/11


  • is getting a grip on life… and choking it to death
  • I told my girl friend i wish i had magical powers because i think it would impress her.
  • Airports are my favorite place to have a fistfight with an old woman.
  • says Chuck Norris once flushed a condom.. later the ninja turtles were born.
  • is I don't confront people. I was raised right. I talk stuff behind their backs. It's called manners.
  • likes girls for their hearts. Their big, bouncy, jiggly hearts.
  • is what happens in vegas,stays in vegas..except for herpes
  • I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun... I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out... I'm going at night.
  • In the eyes of most women, every man is born a Defendant.
  • It's 2011, microwaves should have one button that says Cook Sh!t.
  • Vegetarians and vegans spend entirely too much time trying to make vegetables taste like meat. You made your choice, now live with it hippie!
  • If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy
  • is If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!!
  • has met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
  • used to have super powers but the psychiatrist took them all away.
  • says Never Ever Ever Play leap Frog with A Unicorn
  • wishes he could throw magic dust on my problems to make them disappear. Like a wizard. Or a crack addict.

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