Status Updates 5/11/11

• is normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
• This vodka diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.
• Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here's the story. I'm in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
• “I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
• When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
• I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
• says I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
• Because of cell phones, kids today will never know what it's like to choke their friends with a phone cord.
• Just found out that being a "person of interest" is not as cool as it sounds.
• says I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
• I’m not only a workaholic, I drink at home too
• Beer – the reason I wake up every afternoon.
• My imaginary friend thinks you have some serious problems.
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• I like failure because it’s so easy to achieve!