Friday, May 13, 2011

Status Updates 5/13/11

  • Survival rule #1: You go first.
  • Next time I'm on an elevator with four or more strangers, I'm going to turn around and say, "I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here.
  • is walking through the intensive care unit dressed as the grim reaper
  • I love my penis, it always sticks up for me
  • is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome
  • If somebody offers you a lifetime supply of candy and there is just one piece, don’t eat it: It’s probably poison.
  • Anyone can quit smoking, it takes a real man to fight cancer
  • I cry during sex.... fucking Mace
  • Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
  • TORNADO RIPS THROUGH CEMETARY, HUNDREDS DEAD
  • thinks reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.
  • would quit smoking but it’s better that I smoke this and let the dreams of the cigarette workers come true then to be selfish & worry about my lungs
  • I'm 100% against animal cruelty. Nothing makes me sadder than when my dog makes fun of me.
  • is going to the dark side...they have candy

2 comments:

BLAHBLAHBLAH said...

How did you get this blue bird on here? That's cool.

Ashton Phoenix said...

Send me your email address to fireguy4life@gmail.com and I will send you the code.

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