Friday, November 4, 2011

Funny Status Updates 11/04/2011

Just once it'd be nice to see a butterfly that didn't fly like such a pussy.

I think I'm getting a cold. Looks like it's time to add some Emergen-C to my vodka tonight.

THIS JUST IN: CHILD ACTOR BUCKWHEAT HAS CONVERTED HIS RELIGION TO ISLAM. HE WILL NOW GO BY THE NAME, "KAREEM OF WHEAT.'' DETAILS AT ELEVEN.

Things girls say that get me off immediately:
1. Don't stop!
2. I'm almost there!
3. Faster!
4. Hi!

You know you’ve had too much to drink when you’re driving through a construction zone yelling at the orange, cone-shaped kids to stop playing in the street.

I just ate a Granny Smith. Wasn't bad, a little bitter for my taste.
But it seemed she really appreciated it.

Just realised that the extra-large screen with the realistic screensaver that I have on the wall in my office is actually a window. Cool.

How was I supposed to know a slow increasing clap was "inappropriate" to start after a eulogy.

My eharmony video bio would be way better if you couldn't hear my wife yelling at me from upstairs.

Dear Women,
We feel your pain. They only love us for our breasts too -- Turkeys

0 comments:

Post a Comment