- I don't know why I keep making mistakes if you guys aren't willing to learn from them.
- If at first I don't succeed, I like to destroy all evidence that I tried
- wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac
- Osama Bin Laden – World Champion of Hide and Seek since 2001
- So, is it too soon to ask Whoopie Goldberg if she’s heard from Patrick Swayze yet?
- I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because I love fishing…
- I think animal testing is a terrible idea; what if they get all nervous and give the wrong answers?
- Cigarettes are just like hamsters - perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set it on fire.
- After ten pints of beer, my wife becomes very attractive. I have to tell her that, she’s a violent drunk
- Don't take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride.
- I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.
- I love you! I love you very much! your the best reflection ever!!
- No I didnt trip The floor looked like it needed a hug.
- If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fuck itself.
- If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer...
- If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious.
- is “beating cancer, and by cancer I means children.
- wants a meaningful overnight relationship.
- If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two
- High on life- and glue!
- Restraining orders are just another way of saying I love you.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Status Updates 5/16/11
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cool..
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