Status Update 5/23/11

• is Watchin the Music Awards... Boy, that Beiber chick is guna be one hot lesbian when she grows up!
• Justin Beiber really seems like a well grounded, level-headed...young lady.
• is Buying a ugly fat chick a purity ring is like putting a fence around a dog with no legs
• Sometimes your princess in a crown and evening gown is just a retard in a helmet and a Snuggie.
• is thinking that Harold Camping's mathematical equation involved a Magic 8-ball.
• Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday.
• says We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, for example: "I'm bored, lets go brush your teeth!"
• is just watched a commercial asking if I suffer from schizophrenia. I think i'm okay, but will run it past the other voices...
• Need a new hobby. Think I'm gonna learn photosynthesis.
• Like all great artists, Tony Danza never actually came out and said who the boss was. They left it to the viewer to decide.
• says You know the world is messed up when the worlds best rapper is white, the best golfer is black, the tallest man in the NBA is asian and the girl with the highest voice is Justin Biber.
• If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.
• Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.
• is Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs. It's really that simple.
• Roses are red, violets are blue... I have a gun so get in the van.
• Tom's may provide shoes for poor kids in Africa but I provide jobs for kids in China by purchasing Nikes. I'm truly the better person.